Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
