this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
