And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
