i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
We had sex on a dog bed..
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
