Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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