Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
where am i from again
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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