I'm really into asian looking animals
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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