my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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