he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
