I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
