Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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