decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
