please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize