The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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