Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
she told me i tasted like america
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
