pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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