i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
