Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize