She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
