If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
