You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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