My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Actions speak louder than pants.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Randomize
