and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
