Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
