Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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