She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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