Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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