very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
