So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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