Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
