quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
