Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Swine flu is the new snow day.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize