Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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