I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
