Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
