Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
