I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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