My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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