The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
