I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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