I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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