All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
