I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize