You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
