This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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