Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
