I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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