so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
