my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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