I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
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