HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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