Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
My penis needs a shock collar
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
