I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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