What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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