Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
