2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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