I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
