I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
