I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
