I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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