If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
So apparently I’m into choking now
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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