You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
