almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
There are leaves in my underwear?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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