hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
