i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
