For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Two words: blizzard sex
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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