I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
