my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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