In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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