woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
