he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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