he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize