He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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