I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
cat food counts as protein by the way
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
