he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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