he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I got inside last night via doggy door
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
