we have officially lost it.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
