My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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