Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize