And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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