I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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