the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
