just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
