she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
