R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize