life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
My feet surprised me
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
