is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
you have to choose: penises or morals?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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