Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
