You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize