saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
