Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
