i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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