Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
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