I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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