happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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