i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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