i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
