Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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