just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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