covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Randomize