So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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