Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
