Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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