Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
