I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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