And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
