just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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