I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
