You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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