would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
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