It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize